It wasn’t that bad. Really. I wish I had seen them before – Kris and his new girlfriend – just so I could have been over the uncomfortable and newness of them being together and focus more on the fact that he’s leaving. But regardless… it was alright. I got to see and talk to a lot of people I’ve been missing, including his brother Kroy and our friend Andrew. It was also great to see the rest of his family and I wish better luck for them all.
I haven’t cried about it. Even though I’m worried about him and I’ll miss him even though we don’t really talk anymore as it is, I’m not as sad as I am excited for him. He’s been waiting for this moment for years. It’s been such a long, frustrating and arduous process and his life has been literally put on pause waiting for tomorrow. He’s finally entering. From a distance, he seems more alive and alert than he’s been over the last year. He has spark back in his eyes and seems to be smiling more. I’m truly happy for him.
Initially, I wanted some time with him. Just a few minutes of private conversation. But somewhere in the last 24 hours I realized that I didn’t actually need that. I’ve said really all I could say to him and my stubborn, slow-learning heart finally surrendered to the reality that he isn’t mine anymore. Taylor is the one now holding his hand and it doesn’t matter how serious or casual they are. She’s been the one there for him the last several months, investing her time and emotions and care into his life.
With him moving on to fulfill his dreams, I too feel relieved. A small part of my heart is healed.
